Baby Spencer

We welcomed a new addition to our family about a month ago, a little boy named Spencer. He is adorable and such a miracle to have in our family. He has also kept my hands full. I've talked to many moms before about what was the hardest transition in having kids, going from none to one, from one to two, or two to three. All of the above seemed pretty seamless and easy for me. Sure, having twins was busy, especially at first, but I didn't know any different and was so excited to have them. Then adding one more seemed easy because one baby was more manageable than two, I was a little more experienced at being a mom that time, and the girls entertained each other pretty well. So what could be so hard about adding one more right?

For me, going from 3 children to 4 had been somewhat of a hard transition. All of a sudden I feel my hands are tied and I can't meet everyone's needs nor hardly stay afloat the basics of keeping a family going. Maybe I had grown too accustomed to how independent my three other young children really had become and how much I could get done in a day. They could play outside for an hour or so while I worked on a project without needing too much from mom. Now, I am lucky if I can get just one thing done that I planned for the day (like laundry or sweeping the floors). My little Spencer has been somewhat more fussy than the others, he wants to eat every 1.5 to 2 hours, and doesn't sleep well without being held. He also still takes about 40 min. to eat so by the time I'm done feeding him, changing diaper, he has a little awake time, then sleeps for a bit, the cycle starts over.

For the first time in having a new baby, I think I've really felt the "baby blues." I am usually a pretty happy and very resilient person. I keep reminding myself I just have to let go. I can't do it all or even half of it all. Just focus on the essentials. But, I sometimes feel I can't even get the essentials done: feed kids 3 meals a day, have at least one pair of clean clothes for the day, take a little personal time, and spend time Nate and the other older kids......can't seem to fit even that in. I think it is also harder this time because not only do I have more kids, I see Nate less. He has so much on his plate with trying to teach full time, and finish his PhD so he can get a permanent job, and fulfilling his calling as young mens president.

One of my favorite talks is called "Finding Joy in the Journey" by President Thomas S. Monson. In it he talks about focusing on the things that matter most in our lives. He speaks about being grateful and enjoying each moment we are in. He talks about how the people around us are most often what matters most. I have even put a vinyl saying on my wall that says "Find Foy in the Journey" to remind myself to savor each moment.

When I manage to achieve all 4 kids crying at the same time, I need to just laugh and be grateful my children are healthy and can cry and communicate their needs to me. When we are pulling our clothes for the day out of the unfolded laundry, I can be grateful that we have a washer and dryer. Could you imagine doing it all by hand? When I look at my saggy belly and yet feel so tired that exercise is the last thing I want to do, I can remember the times when I thought I would never even be able to have children and be amazed at what my body can do. When I get up every hour or two during the night, I can remember the true miracle that Spencer and my other children are. How blessed we are to have modern medicine. When my husband is gone most nights and on the weekends, I can remember that at least I do have a husband that is working to provide for our family and that he has the desire to serve the Lord in his callings.

All this has really hit home when I recently found out that one of my cousins’ little 3 year old boy has been diagnosed with a brain tumor. He has already undergone surgery to remove the brain tumor and now will start radiation and chemotherapy for 60 weeks! Another family in our ward had their little baby boy at about 26 weeks and are enduring all the hard things that come with having a baby in the NICU for over a month now. When we think things are hard for us, it doesn’t take very much to look around and see someone who is going through something much worse and much harder. It usually puts our trials into better perspective and strengthens our desire to serve.